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Are you ready to love again?
Love, like life, is all about second chances. It is always there. It might be in the form that we don’t recognize or like. It might be something that we think is not worthy of effort. It might be something we passionately hate. It might not be recognizable, but it is there.
After dealing with heartbreak, cheating, or the death of a partner, most people grow cynical about love. It gets more difficult if you just came from a traumatic and abusive relationship. Or if you were a trophy wife or girlfriend--always displayed, but never appreciated.
Questions abound. Is love still something for me? What if I find someone and death takes him away again? How do I look for someone? Will he find me?
Worse, self-doubt creeps in. Am I attractive enough? Will he run away once he sees me without my makeup? Will the next guy love my money instead of me? If you’re a single mom, you're worried about your children.
Yes, there is always Tinder. If your profile is intriguing enough you will get swipe rights. There are stories of hook-ups that evolve into long-term relationships. One study claims that as much as 13% of online dates end up in marriage. For most though, it’s just about exploration and sex. A few swipe rights will get a few nights of fun, and then what? You’ll probably satisfy your physical needs. If he’s hot enough, and you’re the type who loves sharing, you may get an ego boost if you tell your friends. It’s good if sex or open relationships is all you want. But what if you want more?
You can also go to the old-fashioned path and ask for “referral” from mutual friends. Surely they know you enough, and hopefully know some guy who is suitable and might be interested. It’s like looking for a job. You spread the word, and depending on your reputation the offers will hopefully come in.
You can always try the singles bar and hunt. Or prepare to be hunted. A few gulps of tequila can obliterate shyness. If you are the most attractive woman in the bar, prepare for a whole night of flirting and pick-up lines.
Regardless of your views on dating and online apps, you still have to answer two questions about love: Are you ready for it? And do you want it?
Ask yourself, are you ready for dating? Are you ready for a relationship? Do you still want to go through the period from courtships past when you doll up just to impress your partner? Are you ready to have a physical, intimate relationship with someone?
If you have kids, you have to wonder: what will they think? Will they accept the new guy in your life?
Most importantly, are you ready to welcome someone emotionally in your life? To love means to be vulnerable. Loving means giving the other person the power to hurt you. Are you ready for such vulnerability?
If love comes again, you have to ask yourself two questions: Are you ready, and do you want it?
Once you decide that you’re ready, ask yourself: do you want it? Knowing that a new relationship is both a happiness or misery, do you still want it? It’s unfair to the other party if you’re just pressured by society but don’t want a relationship. It also becomes a bit complex if you believe that sex is something that happens after a while--yet the other party thinks it should be now.
Love is really about second chances. There are opportunities to pursue and forego. It will all depend on how ready--and willing you are to seize these opportunities.
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